


Now or never

by Cadoan



Series: The Spy and the Scoundrel [5]
Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive Drinking, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21586819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadoan/pseuds/Cadoan
Summary: “We’re almost home now,” Mathias said, which rewarded him with an ugly snort from Flynn.“Home,” Flynn said sarcastically. “You mean where you keep me when you’re off doing who the fuck knows what.”
Relationships: Flynn Fairwind/Mathias Shaw
Series: The Spy and the Scoundrel [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1548517
Comments: 11
Kudos: 81





	Now or never

**Author's Note:**

> Sed and I were talking about how we're both suckers for stoic men confessing feelings. Then, this happened.

Yet another mission completed. Yet again, Mathias came home to a silent, empty apartment. It had become the norm now, ever since the mission that had gone so terribly wrong.

Mathias knew exactly where to head. He walked back down the stairs and out into the street, heading towards the Pig and Whistle.

A mission had gone south about one month ago. They had received bad intel from a contact, and walked right into a trap. Two SI:7 operatives had died, another one had been gravely wounded. Mathias himself had been stabbed, and had almost bled out. He hadn’t arrived back home to Stormwind that night, and Flynn had gone banging on the SI:7 headquarter doors. They hadn’t known anything, but then, they wouldn't have told him anything if they had known. Flynn had sat outside the headquarters the whole night.  
  
Mathias and Flynn never talked about what happened. Flynn had tried, Light bless him, but Mathias had shut him down. So they never talked about it, just like there were many other things they had never talked about. Since that mission, Flynn had been spending more and more time down at the tavern.

Mathias sighed deeply as the tavern came into view. There was a pit at the bottom of his stomach as he opened the door and entered. Inside, the tavern keep stood behind the bar, polishing glasses. The place was mostly empty, most people have long since given up for the night and gone home. Mathias walked up to the bartender, who greeted him with a courteous nod as he was wiping down glasses.

“Where?” Mathias could hear the strain in his own voice.

The bartender gestured with his head towards a point behind and to the left of Mathias.

“Over there.” He looked back at Mathias. “He’s in a bad way.”

Mathias took a golden coin out of his pocket and put it on the counter, sliding it over towards the bartender. He spoke as he did.

“He get in any fights tonight?”

The bartender took the coin and pocketed it, shaking his head. 

“No, not tonight.” The bartender went back to wiping glasses.

“Thank you for looking out for him.”

Mathias rapped his knuckle against the counter and made a move to turn around, when the bartender spoke again.

“He talks about you, y’know.”

Mathias looked at the bartender, who regarded him with something akin to pity, or perhaps sympathy. Mathias didn’t say anything, but inclined his head to show that he was listening. The bartender was silent for a moment, as if he was deciding what to say next.

“He cares about you a lot.” There was a look in the bartender's eyes saying he knew more, but Mathias didn’t ask. Thankfully, the bartender didn't say anything about it.

“I know,” Mathias admitted however. “Perhaps too much.”

With that, he turned around and went over to the table Flynn was sitting at. The man was clearly asleep, and it looked like he had put his head down onto the table to rest and then just passed out. The side of his face was resting against the probably very sticky wooden table, and his arms were outreached, hand still wrapped around a half empty pitcher of beer. 

Mathias were hit with pangs of guilt as he came to a stop on the other side of the table, but he suppressed the feeling. Instead, he reached out to shake Flynn's shoulder.

The man stirred, but didn’t lift his head.

“Flynn. Time to go home.”

Flynn jerked his head up with a grunt, blinking blearily at Mathias.

“Whuh?!” he exclaimed before he seemed to recognise who had disturbed. “Oh, it’s you,” he said as he he straightened up, swaying dangerously where he sat. “Look at you, you made it back alive.”

His words were clearly slurred when he spoke, and Mathias wondered for how long the man had been drinking for. He didn’t respond to Flynn’s comment. He walked to stand next to the man, taking ahold of his arm.

“Here. Let me help you.”

Flynn didn’t protest when Mathias manoeuvred Flynn’s arm around his shoulder so he could haul him to his feet.

/

The streets of Old Town were completely empty as they slowly made their was to Mathias' apartment.

“We’re almost home now,” Mathias said, which rewarded him with an ugly snort from Flynn.

“ _Home_ ,” Flynn said sarcastically. “You mean where you keep me when you’re off doing who the fuck knows what.”

Mathias knew there was no use arguing with the man in his drunken state, but he still couldn’t stop himself from reacting.

“That’s not true.”

They had made it inside of the apartment, and Mathias managed to haul Flynn to the bed. 

“It _is_ true,” Flynn mumbled as he collapsed onto bed. 

Mathias was hurt by the words, but he forced his face to stay neutral.

“No one forced you to come here,” Mathias responded. He regretted the words as soon as they had left his lips. He could see Flynn’s shoulders tense for a moment as he took in the words.

“No, but when you asked me to come with you, you knew I wasn’t going to say no.”

The truth of the words cut through Mathias like a knife.

He stood still in the middle of the room until loud snoring was heard from Flynn where he had passed out, fully clothed and sprawled out on the bed. 

/

When Mathias woke up a few hours later, dawn had just about set in. He had gone to sleep in an armchair that Mathias and Flynn had gotten together. It was worn and the fabric was a hideous zebra pattern, but Flynn had loved it, so Mathias had given in. He straightened the kinks in his neck, grimacing. He really needed a bath, and to get out of his uniform. He felt anxious, a deep uneasy feeling in his bones. He was sure he had been dreaming during the few hours of restless sleep, but he couldn’t remember what about. He glanced over to the bed. Flynn was turned towards Mathias, and he seemed to be sleeping deeply. 

There was this aching feeling in his chest when Mathias looked at Flynn, and he frowned. He looked at the man’s face for a moment, until he shook his head and stood up. His back protested loudly as he stood up, but he powered through and started making coffee. He was almost out of coffee grounds. It was the last he had brought with him from Kul Tiras. Flynn had complained about how the Stormwind coffee wasn’t strong enough, and Mathias had to agree. That rainy, cold continent seemed to have a knack to bring dangerously addictive things into his life.

Mathias made the coffee in silence. Somewhere in the middle of it, he could hear Flynn stir behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw a frustrated Flynn tear off his jacket and shirt before throwing them on the floor in a heap. Then, the man lied back down on the bed.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the apartment and it eased Mathias' anxiousness somewhat, but there was still something gnawing at him. When it was done, he poured the rich, dark liqued into two metal mugs. He grabbed them both and walked over to the bed. Flynn was lying on his back now, arm thrown over his eyes. Mathias nudged his elbow.

"Coffee."

Flynn lifted his arm just slightly and looked at the mug. He sighed deeply and sat up, accepting the offering. Mathias went to the kitchen table and sat down. They drank their coffee in silence, but it wasn't the usual, easy silence. There was tension in the air, and Mathias didn't know how to alleviate it. Mathias knew, objectively, that he should say something to Flynn. _Anything_. But he just didn't know how. Mathias kicked himself mentally. How in Light's name could he talk himself out of practically any situation, but this felt like an unsurmountable mountain?

_You're a coward, Mathias._

/

There was this feeling of being crushed in Flynn's chest, and it wasn't because of the drinking the night before. He looked at his coffee, but he didn't feel like drinking. His stomach felt empty, but he also felt sick, like something was wrong with his insides. He also knew that wasn't because of the alcohol. No, that was a feeling that had appeared day Mathias hadn't come back from the mission when he was supposed to, and it hadn't gone away. It had only grown since then, and the only thing that seemed to make it go away was drinking. It helped somewhat, but now not even the drinking seemed to be enough.

Flynn pressed the heel of his hand against his mouth and drew in a sharp breath. He blinked away angry tears blurring his vision. His head was swimming a bit from a hangover. He shook his head slightly and got out of bed. He walked past Mathias sitting at the kitchen table and over to the kitchen area, where he opened a cupboard to find something to eat. 

“It was a very, very long time since I shared my life with someone." Mathias low voice cut through the silence from behind Flynn's back. Flynn could feel his shoulders tensing at the words, preparing himself for the worst. Flynn could hear Mathias draw a deep breatgh before he continued speaking. 

"I never allowed someone to get close. Out of principle. Out of... necessity."

Flynn turned around to look at Mathias then, wanting to see the look on his face when he spoke. Mathias had put the cup of coffee on the table and was studying the palms of his hands as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Flynn waited passively, crossing his arms across his chest as he waited for Mathias to continue.

"I didn’t- I didn't want to have anyone go through the pain of that inevitable day when I don’t come back from a mission. Because I know what it’s like to lose someone you-”

Mathias interrupted what he was saying, going quiet. Flynn felt like the bottom of his stomach had dropped out. 

“Finish the sentence, Mathias.” Flynn said, and the steel in his voice surprised even him.

Mathias gave him a pained look, as if he was asking Flynn to please not make him do this. 

“Finish the sentence,” Flynn repeated, tasting metal in his mouth. Mathias drew in a deep breath and his shoulders dropped down in a clear show of defeat.

“Because I know what it’s like to lose someone you think you love.”

A fury Flynn couldn't remember ever feeling before burned raged through him like a wildfire.

" _Think?"_ Flynn spat, vitriol in his voice. Mathias looked away from him then, as if Flynn's rage was too much to bear. Flynn threw his arms out in a gesture of indignation.

“There have been so many lads and lassies, Mathias. So many hopefuls I turned down and left behind to come here because you asked me to. I left all I had, I left my home, I left my part in something much bigger - to come here, to come here to sit around and wait and hope that you will make it back alive every time you step through that door." Flynn pointed an accusing finger at Mathias, and he could feel the angry snarl contorting his facial features.

Mathias' eyes still shone with pain, but Flynn didn't let up.

"Yet you _dare_ say that I don’t know what I feel? I never asked you for anything, Mathias. It was easier back in Boralus, because I didn’t know what your feelings were. But then, then you asked me to come here. _You_ were the one who let me in Mathias, don’t forget that. I didn’t force my way in. You opened the door, you let me in, and now I’m here."

Flynn took a step towards Mathias, who scrambled to his feet, the kitchen chair falling backwards and hitting the floor with a thud.

"You may be one of the most intelligent people within the Alliance, but you are also incredibly, _incredibly_ stupid if you truly think that I’m not sure of my feelings. I know what you’re doing, Mathias. You’re trying to make me change my mind and leave, because you don’t think you’re worthy of love and it would be so much easier for you if I just left you. Well, tough luck, cause I love you and I’m staying.”

Flynn’s eyes grew wide when he realised what he had confessed. He took one step closer to Mathias, all up in the man’s space, as close as he could be without touching him. His extra height caused him to look down upon Mathias when they stood this close. Mathias didn't move or flinch away, as if he was rooted to the spot.

/

“I love you Mathias Shaw,” Flynn said, voice now soft, any sign of anger completely gone. The angry fire in his eyes was snuffed out and had been replaced by a raw, honest look. He was so close that Mathias could feel puffs of air against his lips as he spoke.

“And I’m fairly sure you love me back.”

Mathias let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding as he heard the words. A massive wave of relief washed over him and threatened to pull him under, to drown him. His instincts were telling him to deny it all and by doing so letting Flynn down gently, before he had wasted too much time, before he was in so deep he wouldn’t be able to get back out. Before the day came where he sat there waiting and Mathias never came back.

But while his instincts were telling him one thing, his heart was telling him something entirely different. The same heart that was threatening to break its way out of his rib cage. It would be so much easier, and so much safer, to ignore his heart and let his instincts guide the way. They had kept him alive up until this point. 

There was only one problem.

He didn’t want to follow his instincts when it came to this. Flynn's words cut through him like the sharpest of weapons, and laid him bare.

Mathias closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing, to still his way too quickly beating heart. He felt as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff, and he didn’t know if he would make a safe landing if he jumped off.

“Mathias?” Flynn whispered, and the fear of rejection laced throughout his voice was soul crushing. 

Mathias couldn’t do that do him.

Mathias stood on his toes to close the distance between them, pushing tongue past Flynn’s lips. Flynn gave a surprised little sound that turned into a groan as the kiss deepened. When they had to break apart for air, chest heaving, they rested forehead against forehead, breathing each other.

_Now or never, Shaw._

“I do,” Mathias heard himself say, voice thick. “I do love you, Flynn.”

Flynn smiled then, a wide, bright smile that made Mathias weak at the knees, and Mathias realised that he would topple kingdoms for that smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> <3


End file.
